Spring Pilot Reviews: Part One

This spring included a flurry of pilots, some of which faded immediately and others that soared with impressive ratings. To play catch-up, I’m going to forego my usual pilot reviews and offer brief thoughts on all of the pilots in three segments. I’ll try to group them by my general feelings towards their quality and enduring possibility.

I’ll begin with the four shows that are truly unbearable and should never have to be suffered by any unsuspecting viewers. ABC’s Castle is a complete waste of time, though clearly the general public disagrees, as the show got insanely high ratings and just got renewed for a second season. Nathan Fillion is a terrific actor whose role on “Firefly” will likely carry him to eternal success as an actor, and he’s the only thing worth watching here. The plot device of his famous author helping the police catch killers because he knows how criminals think is somewhat interesting, but the unenthusiastic Stana Katic lost my respect (at the same time the show did) when she grabbed Fillion’s character and pulled him by the nose. Having real-life famous authors like James Patterson guest-star in the first-ever episode feels especially desperate. Another ABC show, In the Motherhood, was equally insufferable. Luckily, it was pulled from the schedule early on and the remaining episodes are being burned off this summer. Don’t watch them, though. Megan Mullally (Karen from “Will & Grace”) and Cheryl Hines (Cheryl from “Curb Your Enthusiasm”) have officially found the worst roles of their respective careers as different types of mothers who try to make jokes that just aren’t funny. The pilot is predictable and entirely impossible to get through. Someone else pointed out that the only impressive thing is how much weight Horatio Sanz lost. That’s about all there is to say about the show. The last two of this crew never really had much going for them, and I imagine most people assumed they’d be pretty awful even before they aired. Winning this contest by miles, ABC also produced Surviving Suburbia, starring Bob Saget, who is by no means a good actor, and hardly an effective lead to carry a show. “Full House” was an ensemble comedy for kids, which is why it worked, and Saget had little if anything to do with that. Here, he’s just a jerk, and the show’s lack of creativity leaves nothing else to pick up the slack. It’s obvious only minutes in that it’s a supreme waste of time. The final tragically awful show was the most obviously bad from before it even started: CBS’ Harper’s Island. This hapless murder mystery drama had absolutely nothing too recommend it. Every actor was terrible, the plot was entirely uninteresting, and it was devastatingly boring. Fortunately, CBS saw that no one was watching the show and quickly banished it to Saturday nights, where it will die a slow and painful death.

If you’re unconvinced by my panning of these shows above and feel the need to watch one of them, please watch “Castle” and stay far, far, far away from the rest. Luckily, the other three will likely not be returning next year, despite not having officially been cancelled. The outlook, however, is appropriately bleak. There are always a few shows each year which just shouldn’t have been made, this is that crop!

Coming up tomorrow: the pilots that didn’t quite work, including Kings and Dollhouse.