Round Two: 24: Legacy

24: Legacy: Season 1, Episode 2 “1:00pm-2:00pm” (D-)

Has nobody learned from years of existence and secrets being spilled that whispering to someone without thinking that the person you’re talking about might hear you is a terrible plan? That happened on at least two separate instances in this episode, resulting in Nicole being put in danger because Isaac’s girlfriend is jealous and wants to set him up to get killed, and the student-teacher couple had to kill a snooping kid because they couldn’t find a closet in which to have some fun. I forgot to mention a few unfortunate things about the pilot episode of this show from Sunday night, namely that it’s completely dumb that Ben thinks that his only option is to sell the list either to the United States government or to the terrorists, so those are obviously the people who would pay the most for it, not, say, a news outlet trying to break a big story. This is “24,” of course, and so Eric doesn’t even have half an hour to wait, though he did have the gall to ask for a forty-five-minute extension after his police station heist didn’t go as planned (because that was a great idea in the first place). You’d think that his drug dealer brother would be able to provide a small sum of cash given the manpower he is, but of course it’s been a bad year and he’s strapped for cash. As if the future president being married to a now criminal former CTU director wasn’t problematic enough for PR, it turns out his campaign manager might actually be (but probably isn’t) the very traitor who used Rebecca’s access code to get Eric’s team killed. Keith didn’t even try not to give up his own access code, so you’d think that Rebecca could have trusted him to avoid ending up in the very situation she’s now created for Eric, who I’m sure will find some impossible way to get himself out of this situation.

What I’m Watching: 24

24: Season 9, Episode 3 “Day 9: 1:00pm-2:00pm” (C+)

There were some decent moments in this episode, but it’s hard to find this some anything but frustrating. A few years into its initial run, and especially towards the tail end of that stretch, this because all about how Jack can do what no one else can, just as invincible as the mythical Chuck Norris. Only he can convince Chloe and her band of cyberterrorists to help him just by asking nicely (after some gun-pointing, of course) and only he can save the world by talking directly to a president he doesn’t realize is losing his memory. Kate, who can actually get things done and might as well be Jack’s heir apparent given her manipulative, law-breaking tendencies, is wasting so much time tailing Jack that it’s a wonder more terrorist attacks aren’t happening while she’s misdirecting her intrepid efforts. That said, the best moment of the episode was at the end when Jack shot off a few rounds to distract the crowd and Kate helplessly watched Jack run into the building. I’m finding everything involving Heller, Mark, and Audrey completely dull and cyclical, and the other family drama – that of the Al-Harazi family – is much less accessible and too removed to be compelling. Someone needs to find Lieutenant Chris Tanner fast and talk to him, and, as is to be expected with this show, I can’t imagine it will be anyone other than Jack. This season has twelve episodes – could it really take any less than eleven for Kate to realize that her best ally is the man she’s hunting?

What I’m Watching: 24 (The Penultimate Episode)

24: Season 8, Episode 22 “1:00PM-2:00PM” (F)

Well, Jack Bauer has officially gone off his rocker. Watching this episode, it was hard to distinguish exactly how many people he actually killed versus those he merely wounded or gassed, but there definitely isn’t a happy ending in store for him. He has officially murdered government officials in cold blood and a shoot on sight order has been put out on him. Even if Chloe and Cole can work their magic, this man is going to prison for life if he doesn’t get killed first. You do have to give the guy some credit though, since he was able to put together a mission to singlehandedly kidnap a former President of the United States in under twenty minutes. Sadly, his skills won’t help his case in court. Moving on to less violent but infinitely more stupid characters, I really have to hope that Meredith Reed didn’t carry the evidence in her purse and was able to hide it somewhere else. That woman failed so incredibly at achieving her mission, and Jack would have been much better off giving it Jim and having him disseminate it virally, a la “Antitrust.” In the latest preposterous twist, why does the Russian President have to be directly involved in the conspiracy? Worse still, does he really have to admit it on an unsecured line? Don’t these big shots realize that cell phones can be tapped and tracked? Obama wasn’t even allowed to keep his Blackberry, so what are all these heads of state doing carrying around their own cell phones? Well, after next week this will all be over for good. Tune in Monday night from 8pm to 10pm for the final two hours of “24” ever.