What Drew’s Watching: Bones (Season Finale)

Guest blogger Drew checks in with his final recap of "Bones" for the season.

Bones: Season 6, Episode 23 "The Change in the Game"

First off, my sympathies lie entirely with Angela in the habañero sauce situation. If I were in her position, I'd have dumped the whole bottle in there without flinching. (I just wish she'd said "ah-bah-NYER-o and not "ha-buh-NER-oh"). With all this bowling, I find myself praying for a “Big Lebowski” reference, but I'm not going to hold my breath. And yet...and yet, I can't help seeing a little Jesus in El Tornado. And I must reluctantly deliver an official MONTAGE WARNING (reluctantly, in this case, because bowling montages are awesome). I'm usually disgusted by the writing that goes into young characters (the little sister from “500 Days of Summer,” anyone?), but I'm delighted to announce that the little girl bowler is doing a great job. In fact, "Sportsmanship is for losers and wannabes. I'll be in the arcade." It seems a little simplistic to me that someone could make a 7-10 split easy just by slightly recalibrating the pin positions, but that might just be my suck-at-bowling bias manifesting. Angela and Hodgins are particularly barf-worthy after the baby's (finally!) delivered, but I can't take issue with that. What better time is there for barf-worthiness? To sum up (because if I go any farther into the plot, there will be major spoilers), this is a powerful episode, with the perfect amount of sentimentality. It's rare for this series to strike such a sublime balance, but hey -- best to get it right in the season finale.

Plot: 7/10
Action: 3/10
Characters: 9/10
Comedy: 6/10
Bones's Makeup: 10/10

Overall Grade: A

What Drew’s Watching: Bones

Guest blogger Drew catches up on the last few episodes of his beloved series in this mega-post. Enjoy!.

Bones: Season 6, Episode 18 “The Truth in the Myth”

This one starts out hilarious -- the dialogue is to die for. "I'm just a woman, looking for a man." I'm having a problem with Nigel Murray being allowed to continue his internship, considering his sundry addiction program memberships (and apparently drunkenness on the job?!). In fact, I'm getting rather tired of the interns in general. Oh my goodness -- Bones's laugh is one of the most horrible sounds I have ever heard. Has it always been like this? I'm getting bad vibes from this episode in general; it seems rather thrown together, and the dialogue is stilted. Of course, the dialogue was stilted in the introduction, but that's why it was funny. I didn't expect that to bleed into the actual episode. Money line from Angela today: "Of course you're going to belittle astrology. You're a Virgo." (Guess who else is a Virgo!) To sum up, this episode encapsulates everything that's bad about Bones: the humor is juvenile and eye-roll-worthy, and the "sentimental" parts are overdone and hokey. I got the mystery instantly. And the fact that the episode shut down 35 minutes in and forced me to waste a quarter of an hour jump-starting it just to confirm my ironclad prediction? Not helping.

Plot: 2/10
Action: 0/10
Characters: 5/10
Comedy: 3/10
Bones's Makeup: 9/10

Overall Grade: D


Bones: Season 6, Episode 19 “The Finder”

We've got a very "CSI: Miami"-type thing going on here. I wonder if Booth will bust out one of the Caruso quips that I so love. And the footage of the deceased pre-mortem strongly reminds me of Dennis Nedry in Jurassic Park. These are two very good ways to ameliorate my tough-crowd-itis from the last episode. Oh man -- I'm getting so many impressions here. These kooks in the bar are calling up Pirates of the Caribbean, Big Trouble (the newer one, with Johnny Knoxville), and The Whole Nine Yards simultaneously. So far, we're in great shape. And next up is Boondock Saints, when the finder employs his peculiar method of finding (also an obvious sequence for the ladies, accompanied by your official MONTAGE WARNING). I can say right now that this episode is utterly ridiculous, and I am profoundly suspicious that a spin-off is in the works. But that's okay; "Bones" has gotten so stale of late that I don't mind the change of pace. This one's like having a day of clear skies after a lot of gloom. In fact, I'm going to forego the ratings system this time because the episode's so far outside the mainstream. I mean, I could try, but something's off. I just...*sunglasses*...can't put my finger on it.

YEEEEAAAAAAAH!

Plot: X/10
Action: X/10
Characters: X/10
Comedy: X/10
Bones's Makeup: X/10

Overall Grade: :-D


Bones: Season 6, Episode 20 “The Pinocchio in the Planter”

Every new wrinkle between Angela and Hodgins seems forced to me. We can't just be happy with their circumstances, so bam! Blind baby. Bam! Hodgins is clingy. Bam! Angela is a lesbian. (Actually that happened a while ago.) That hookworms crawl a foot a day comes off as a poor indicator of time of death, as I'm pretty sure worms can change direction. I take great exception to Wendell taking exception to Hodgins's use of the word "couth," but it is in keeping with Wendell's character, so I can't throw big a fit. This episode veers toward ridiculous once they enter the honesty meeting, but I can forgive it because the belligerent clown is doing such a good job. To Angelodgins' credit, the mush factor is becoming much easier to bear. There are two hilarious give-and-takes around 31:00; make sure you don't miss them. It occurred to me immediately that traces of titanium don't require a solid titanium murder weapon, and here I am, vindicated. Seems like there are a lot of eyebrow-knitters in this one, like all these brilliant scientists discovering for the first time the detrimental effects of scalding honesty. And again! How on earth did the lawyer figure that he could get away with a fake x-ray? So really, this episode doesn't pass the smell-test plot-wise; it seems like the characters had to be uncharacteristically stupid in order to keep the gears turning. But it's a funny episode with some heartwarming moments, so I can't be too hard on it.

Plot: 3/10
Action: 2/10
Characters: 6/10
Comedy: 7/10
Bones's Makeup: 9/10 (Bones's makeup has been a lot better lately!)

Overall Grade: C+

Bones: Season 6, Episode 21 “The Signs in the Silence”

Okay, so we've got a deaf mute here who might have murdered someone with a huge knife -- and they have her unrestrained in the middle of the lab for questioning? Aaaaand there she goes, trying to escape. Looks like we're off to a bad start here. Fortunately there's some plot interest to make up for these scientists' stupid decisions. It only just occurred to me that Cam looks like an alien with that short hair. The concept of dialects in sign language is cool, and it's smart writing to get the girl to cooperate via explaining the infallibility of bones (although I'm not sure exactly how true that is). In spite of its rough start, this is actually a very good episode -- moving in all the right places, with credible performances by all the characters (including Bones, amazingly enough). Even the montage is well-placed and artfully done. (Postscript: Angela's "I'm fat because I'm pregnant" jokes at the end of the episode are fully responsible for the sorely lacking comedy score.)

Plot: 10/10
Action: 6/10
Characters: 9/10
Comedy: 5/10
Bones's Makeup: 9/10

Overall Grade: A-


Bones: Season 6, Episode 22 "The Hole in the Heart"

The good news: any reference to Tyrannosaurus Rex is awesome. The bad news: Bones is a true-blue psycho when she laughs. My face starts contorting in a grotesque mix of shock and disgust every time I hear it. Unless I'm sorely mistaken, Hodgins calls our species (yours, dear reader, and mine) homo sapien, which is unsettling indeed -- especially considering he's reading Bones's and Nigel Murray's abstract. I have to issue an official MONTAGE WARNING complete with a less official weird-sounding lyrics warning (where do they find these people?) early on. It's nice to finally see some concrete action in a Bones episode again, but at what a cost! On the other hand, I really don't like this goofy neophyte FBI agent. She's flat and monotonous, and I'm not really sure why she's being introduced now. Best line today comes from Hodgins on the phone: "You hung up, didn't you? Yeah? Okay." Very natural delivery! Sniper fights ("dueling snipers," as Hodgins calls it) always seem awkward to me -- the last one I saw was between Snake and The End -- but they do a good job of making this one compelling. It's tough to review this episode without spoilers, so I'll do what I can to make a good case to watch it: one of the good guys dies.

Plot: 9/10
Action: 10/10
Characters: 8/10
Comedy: 3/10
Bones's Makeup: 7/10

Overall Grade: A

What Drew’s Watching: Bones

Bones: Season 6, Episode 17 “The Feet on the Beach”

I haven't been exposed to a Canadian stereotype in quite a while! I always enjoy how this show makes no effort to hide stuff like this -- Bones references the "Canadians are polite" stereotype just before we meet the extremely polite Canadian. Ballsy, for sure. I've got to say that I'm jealous of these people constantly, constantly going out to eat; would that I had an income that let me indulge in diner food every day! The dialogue is surprisingly snappy today, with some nice humor-punctuation by Cam and Hodgins. Even the excruciatingly polite Canadian podiatrist is funny in his unrelenting awkwardness. Here's the money line by Sweets (not because it's good, but because it's so stupid): "Canadian...or afraid?" Oh! It's nice to see some product placement for Windows for a change! I thought everyone in television-producing land was a Mac fan. Like many Bones episodes, this one's a mixed bag -- the paralyzed podiatrist angle is stupid, but the Cam and daughter angle is great. The mystery's not so good, but the exploding corpses all over the place make up for it. All in all, it's pretty classic Bones: not going to win an Emmy, but there are far worse things you could do with forty minutes.

Plot: 4/10
Action: 7/10
Characters: 9/10
Comedy: 8/10
Bones's Makeup: 7/10

Overall Grade: A-

What Drew's Watching: Bones

Bones: Season 6, Episode 16 "The Blackout in the Blizzard"

We're starting off with red meat today, but fortunately Bones and Booth can't get too deep into the global warming discussion before they're interrupted by Veteran Stadium seats. (I've heard my father sing that Eagles fight song so many times that Booth's rendition made me blink.) They did an episode ages ago where the team got quarantined in the lab, and that was great, so I have high hopes for this blackout scenario. I do love being utterly unsophisticated scientifically, so I don't have to be suspicious when they do cool "science" things like take x-rays without electricity and power a cell phone with a room full of potatoes. I'm going to throw out a content warning here, because Booth and Bones talking about sex is excruciating. The conclusion to this one is pretty thrown together; they spent too much time on the process for anything else. (Also, the lack of suspects makes this the least "mysterious" mystery I've seen to date.) The "serious" conversations are not as well-written as they could be, but I think we've all had at least one life experience sufficient to allow either the Bones/Booth or the Angela/Hodgins situation to resonate with us. So this episode is another one of those idle delights -- not brilliant by any means, but certainly worth enjoying on a rainy day.

Plot: 6/10
Action: 8/10
Characters: 6/10
Comedy: 3/10
Bones's Makeup: 6/10

Overall Grade: B

What Drew's Watching: Bones (Quadruple Review)

With my sincerest apologies to Drew, I present to you his four most recent reviews which, for whatever reason, I neglected to post upon initial receipt of them. Please enjoy a quadruple dose of Drew’s dramatic writing now.

Season 6, Episode 12 “The Sin in the Sisterhood”

NOTE: From this episode on, I will be reversing the polarity of the "Bones's Makeup" category to make it consistent with the others.

Remember back in the day when I expressed unparalleled joy over guidos? Well, now I'm expressing equal but opposite dismay at the groupe du jour. Granted, they handle the whole polygamist thing pretty well; everyone's at least marginally grossed out by it (with the sole exception, of course, of Bones). This episode is disproportionately about Cam, whom I find pretty boring overall in anything above small doses. I will admit, however, that Cam's gynecologist boyfriend gets this episode's favorite line: "I told this woman to stay off the trampoline!" Bones speaking loudly with the earplugs is stupid -- she should know better. It also seems odd to me that Booth would need Cam to tell him that one of the wives might have killed the husband. (Aside: the first wife kind of resembles Nancy Pelosi. Makes her look pretty suspicious!) Hodgins and Angela are super-nauseating in this one, to the point where the formatting is necessary. Bottom line: this episode's pretty lackluster -- not horrible, but if you find yourself closing the window or turning the TV off halfway through, I can't say I'll blame you.

Plot: 4/10
Action: 1/10
Characters: 3/10
Comedy: 4/10
Bones's Makeup: 8/10

Overall Grade: D+

Season 6, Episode 13 “The Daredevil in the Mold”

This episode's off to a stupid start. And the tagline -- "Booth and Sweets take steps to advance each of their relationships" -- has me pulling faces. For what gender was this show designed again? Oh, whoa! Ooh. Bones's good makeup streak is officially over. Blech. Hodgins' and Cam's conversation over snacktime had me cracking up. The idea of performing a postmortem on a bicycle is cute, but the application is rather lame. The scene in the jewelry store is offensive, but I'll spare you the gender-studies rant; all I'll say is that I'm surprised they didn't make the obvious "jeweler thinks Booth and Sweets are gay together" joke. The mystery's pretty predictable in this one; I admit that I got it on my second guess, but I'm not very astute. More cerebral viewers will have no problem. The breakup scene could have been heartrending, but they botched the hell out of it. Too bad. The following no-kidding scene is marginally better, but again, it leaves something to be desired. All told, though, I'm pretty happy with this one, considering the banality of its predecessor.

Plot: 5/10
Action: 7/10
Characters: 8/10
Comedy: 7/10
Bones's Makeup: 3/10

Overall Grade: B

Season 6, Episode 14 “The Bikini in the Soup”

This corpse is so disgusting that I can hardly look at it. As damning as that sounds, it's actually a good thing, and here I am wondering how to account for it in the final score. Maybe action? Watching all the women be catty and weird to each other is a fun side-effect of Valentine's Day, although I'm not sure I'm ready to get back into "OMG Booth and Bones should totally b--"...well, you know. Again, it seems stupid that Booth wouldn't know about the first husband. I guess we can chalk it up to post-girlfriend stress syndrome. Favorite line comes from Hodgins this time around: "Speaking clock doesn't help." I hate to admit this, but new Clark is starting to grow on me. That Cam said "fungis" has me making faces of annoyance. I couldn't help smiling at the revelation about the wedding planner's assistant three-quarters of the way through the show. The climactic scene is so stupid that I have a hard time watching it, but I will give the writers credit for referencing Wuthering Heights, which is one of my favorites. And then it's a bunch of stomach-turning Valentine's Day sequences, so men will have no problem tuning out before the coda. (Aren't you glad you have me to bear these burdens for you?) In conclusion, this episode is really, really stupid -- but so is Valentine's Day, so I'd say it's 325% appropriate.

Plot: 7/10
Action: 5/10 (+2 for the disgusting corpse)
Characters: 8/10
Comedy: 6/10
Bones's Makeup: 7/10

Overall Grade: B+

Season 6, Episode 15 “The Killer in the Crosshairs”

Well, it's high time we saw Mr. Sniper again. I thought this plotline (and character) was kind of stupid the first time around, but our new chronic bad guy is off to a good start in the intro to this episode. And it's a lot of fun to see Booth interrupt Bones's prognosticating by looking authoritative himself for once. Hodgins insisting on finishing his counterfeiting spiel cracked me up, but I'm leery of bad guys counterfeiting money as badly as these ones apparently did. The whole Booth-sniper angle is extremely heavy-handed, but I'm enjoying it because it's been too long since the show has explored this element even close to sufficiently. Favorite quote from Caroline today: "Man sneaks into your house? Threatens you with a gun? That's unforgivable. He should get lethally injected just for that." Watching Hodgins stand up to Mr. Angela is a thrill -- for the first time in quite a while, Hodgins is not nauseating me. The wind-up for this episode is that there are too many logical eyebrow-raisers for me to mention here, but the show has enough tense and action-y scenes to (almost) make up for it. So I'm satisfied.

Plot: 5/10
Action: 10/10
Characters: 7/10
Comedy: 6/10
Bones's Makeup: 8/10

Overall Grade: A-

What Drew's Watching: Bones (Double Review)

Bones: Season 6, Episode 10 "The Body in the Bag"

So we've been back for two weeks from the way-too-long Bones hiatus, and now we're finally back from my way-too-long hiatus from doing Bones reviews. The intro to this one is truly barf-worthy, but at least it's not in an Angela-Hodgins way (that comes later). There's lots of drain-unclogging in this episode...I feel the need to warn you about this because it's particularly nauseating to me. It's fun to watch Booth walk into a Chinese apothecary, which reminds me of long ago, when Angel walked into such a place (with wildly different results!). Of course, I have to wince at Bones's Chinese -- not because I have any ability whatsoever to speak Chinese, but according to my friend Peiharn, Americans typically are utterly unequal to the task. I do not like the new Clark, but I can understand how his old personality was getting trite. The mystery is fun -- I enjoy it when they mistakenly ID the body at first -- but I got the killer immediately. (I'm very proud of myself! Can you tell?) Anyway, this episode is mediocre, with too much interpersonal stuff and not enough murder-solving stuff. It's probably bad that my favorite part was the way the creepy guy ogles Bones and Hannah at the end. Bahaha!

Plot: 8/10
Action: 0/10
Characters: 3/10
Comedy: 4/10
Bones's Makeup: 4/10

Overall Grade: C

Bones: Season 6, Episode 11 "The Bullet in the Brain"

Holy shit. I guess I should have expected what happens in the intro, but I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to such things. I'll tell you though, that this is a nice infusion of action, which has been in short supply on this show lately. My favorite line comes from Caroline: "I'm too short to see a damn thing." I think it's weird that Angela calls her husband "Hodgins." One of the annoying things about Gravedigger episodes is the preponderance of the phrase "buried alive." It would make for a fun drinking game, but unfortunately, I'm watching this alone. The scene between Caroline and Sweets is overdone; in fact, the whole "Sweets is traumatized" thing is overdone. Now, I was all ready to write a very positive conclusion for this episode, but the sad fact is that it kind of peters out after the first half. The ending could have been wrapped up more tightly, and Bones acting like a giggling girl with her father comes off stilted. Oh well. Consolation prize: I appreciate anything about Booth's sniper past, and I can reasonably hope from this episode that we'll get to learn more about that next week.

Plot: 6/10
Action: 10/10
Characters: 4/10
Comedy: 1/10
Bones's Makeup: 6/10

Overall Grade: B

What Drew's Watching: Bones

Bones: Season 6, Episode 9 "The Doctor in the Photo"

Usually, I write the review as I go along, but I decided to shake things up today and wait until I finished the entire episode. This method has its perks -- for example, you can observe your official MONTAGE WARNING from the get-go. Anyway, this one makes for a pronounced change of pace, as it is overwhelmingly told from Bones's perspective. (You'd think a show called "Bones" would be more Bones-centered, but you'd be wrong!) I'm not sure how to take this. On the one hand, it's compelling to get a bit more insight into Bones's inner workings, but on the other hand, it just reinforces the clumsy conundrum of her inconstant emotional deficiency. I don't think the writers are ever going to be able to square that circle, but they could do themselves a favor by not parading the problem like this. On a gut level, I liked this episode, but by the numbers, it's pretty bad. There's little from the other characters because they all subordinate themselves to Bones. There's little plot because the plot subordinates itself to Bones. There's little comedy because -- well, you guessed it. In fact, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure the writers cooked up this one just for the post-climactic scene. Oh, and by the way, the last time a character on this show started communicating with dead people, he had a brain tumor. There had better be an equally good explanation for Bones's craziness this week.

Plot: 4/10
Action: 0/10
Characters: 5/10
Comedy: 0/10
Bones's Makeup: 3/10

Overall Grade: D

What Drew's Watching: Bones

Bones: Season 6, Episode 8 "The Twisted Bones in the Melted Truck"

Hell of an intro to this one! The exploding car makes up somewhat for the conspicuous lack of action of late. When Angela says "VIN number," I can't help dying a little inside. Hodgins gets my favorite line again: "[Daisy,] I am king of the lab, and you? You are my serf." One of the things I fear I don't complain enough about is the "significant glance" shots in this show. They're like saying, "This is funny. Are you laughing?" or "Scary, right? Right?" Second-place line from Bones: "Teenagers are dull-witted and very difficult to talk to." Unfortunately, the Bones-with-children scene gets lame and wooden (so to speak) pretty fast after that. Sweets's C-3PO is a rare gem. Now, usually this show's good about the "explain scientific things to the rubes" dialogue, but Hodgins and Daisy fall flat here in the magnesium experiment. (Only mildly related: why can't anyone seem to draw anything but hideous cartoons anymore? I ask because of these idiotic "Bob's Burgers" commercials. Also, can we not show the same advertisements on every break? What say you, internet?) This week's Angela computer doohickey -- "I programmed the equations into the computer" -- had even me cocking my eyebrow. (I might still holding a grudge for "VIN number.") The scene with Hannah and Parker is super-heartwarming -- I'll admit that as a child of divorced parents (sob! the humanity!), I have a soft spot for loving two-parent family constructs, but still. Hannah is really growing on me. Sweets and Daisy waver between hilarious and vomit-inducing, with Sweets on the hilarious side and Daisy on the vomit-inducing one. Expect to be disappointed with the mystery here, which is pretty over the top. And oh -- before I leave, here's your official MONTAGE WARNING, in which Bones stares at bones with background music from some artist Fox apparently wants to promote. I hate those.

Plot: 4/10
Action: 4/10
Characters: 8/10
Comedy: 9/10
Bones's Makeup: 2/10

What Drew's Watching: Bones

Bones: Season 6, Episode 7 "The Babe in the Bar"

Favorite line: "I went to the liquor store and I bought every brand available." (From Hodgins -- very scientific!) Anyway, maybe it's just me, but I think we're a little too close to the "Science Dude" to be shamelessly aping another pop culture phenomenon (Wapner Chocolates? Wauneeka Chocolates? Wendigo Chocolates!). I cracked up when Bones flatly contradicted the poor chocolate engineer, but it would have been better if she had shut up from there. In general, though, Deschanel does an uncommonly good job with the character in this episode. (I've found that a fun game to play is to pay close attention to Booth's facial expressions when Bones is talking.) Hodgins is nauseating, but Nigel Murray is a scream. I'm glad he's back. The mystery's fun, even if I got it immediately, and I'll admit that it was a nice bonus to see Wayne Knight. All in all, this is what you'll usually get from "Bones" -- nothing to knock your socks off, but you won't demand your hour back.

Plot: 7/10
Action: 0/10
Characters: 9/10
Comedy: 9/10
Bones's Makeup: 2/10

Overall Grade: B+

What Drew's Watching: Bones

Bones: Season 6, Episode 6 “The Shallow in the Deep”

In the hard and fast details, this one's pretty ho-hum. The plotline is formulaic but cozy, like your favorite sweater -- I solved the mystery straight away but refused to believe my initial suspicion. There's a good turnout in the comedy department--Sweets on the cruise ship is a lot of fun, and I got a kick out of Hodgins's and Daisy's reenactment of the murder at the end. (Also, Booth rolling his eyes at Bones's pedantic corrections had me chuckling.) But what really drew me in was the background stuff -- you know, the stuff you usually gloss over. I groaned at the beginning when after the revelation that the Jeffersonian's staff would be working on an old slave ship, the camera gave each character an opportunity to showcase his or her best long-suffering, slavery-is-horrible expression. Wonderful, I thought. I came for a murder mystery, and I get a lecture on slavery. So you can imagine my shock toward the end of the episode when Cam says almost exactly the same thing! In fact, Cam's and Angela's natural and self-aware treatment of the slavery topic stands miles above most similarly themed discourses, which all too often devolve into sanctimonious white guilt trips. The relationship conversation between Sweets and Daisy in the final scene touched me in the same way: it makes sense on a bone-deep level that many hokey "life lessons" wrap-ups in similar TV shows (or in other episodes of this TV show, frankly) never reach. Of course, I'm not here to grade these episodes based on their quality, not on how they make me feel, so this one gets a B-...but personally, I may well watch it again.

Plot: 6/10
Action: 1/10
Characters: 10/10
Comedy: 8/10
Bones's Makeup: 2/10 (And thank goodness, because whoever did Daisy's makeup this episode must have wandered in off the set of “Zombie Guido House Party.”)

Overall Grade: B-

What Drew's Watching: Bones

Bones: Season 6, Episode 5 "The Bones that Weren't"

Wait a minute, what? I wait two whole weeks for the next episode to air, and I get this? Generally if the murder victim has an odd occupation (a male ballerina à la Rahm Emanuel in this one) or lifestyle, it lets the show embark on an engaging exploration of that subject matter. (The bounty hunters and guidos come to mind from this season.) Here, however, there's very little delving into the world of ballet, let alone ballet from a male perspective, save a few esoteric terms agonizingly couched in Bones's maladroit French accent. There is no action to speak of unless you count interminable street-dance sequences. I remember the existence of some comedic moments, but they weren't good enough to imprint details. The episode's trajectory is painfully predictable--I gave it the two plot points only because I found the technological tools this time around fascinating (no matter that my putative expert girlfriend condemned all of them as BS). I mean, come on--of course Hannah gets shot going into a bad neighborhood, and of course Booth supports her even though he disapproves of her pursuing the story. Thank God Bones looked like a normal human being in this one, or it would have been a total bust. Now, I'll admit that I had a lousy week, so maybe I'm not giving this episode its due. That said, unless you received a million dollars and a unicorn in the mail recently, best skip this one.

Plot: 2/10
Action: 0/10
Characters: 2/10
Comedy: 4/10
Bones's Makeup: 3/10

Overall Grade: D

What Drew's Watching: Bones

Bones: Season 6, Episode 4 "The Body and the Bounty"

"If Al Gore really cared about the environment, he'd live out of dumpsters." Thus does this episode cement my favorite line before even the opening credits. Anyway, we're doing just fine on our trajectory here, but we've taken a few backward steps on auxiliary characters. Although the bounty hunter employer is quite compelling, his underlings are lame stereotypes of the highest order. I can't pick apart The Wolf too much because he's...well...dead, which allows that maybe his personality was utterly out of sync with a gruff bounty hunter. (Maybe he rode unicorns and picked daisies in his spare time.) But the hot bounty hunter chick? I mean, come on. I know fiction gets to go down roads that real life could never set foot on, but this is so far outside the realm of credibility that even my male brain is protesting (even if it may crave hot bounty hunter chicks in less serious programming). The mystery is cool (I got it pretty fast), but a few anomalies stick out: wouldn't the fake ribs need to be replaced after each murder weapon test? And if Booth can half-open the double-doors in the hospital, why can't he slide the crutch out to finish the job? Oh well. The action in this one is two-sided: the first chase scene is great, but the second one is poorly directed and clumsily shot. David Allen Grier is fun as the Science Dude if you can get over your desire to see the role played by Bill Nye instead. Honestly, though, out of everything, my biggest problem with this episode is Bones's ridiculous getup at the end. I can swallow her decision vis-à-vis Grier (mind-blowing spoiler: she agrees to do the show), but the Temperance Brennan I know and (sometimes) love would never, ever wear that. All in all, this is a solid episode that kept me interested without any trouble. (P.S. I laughed out loud at Angela's expertly delivered one-liner regarding baby names...and if a show can make me laugh out loud, it's an automatic ten for comedy.)

Plot: 8/10
Action: 8/10
Characters: 6/10
Comedy: 10/10
Bones's Makeup: 9/10

Overall Grade: A

What Drew's Watching: Bones

I’m thrilled to introduce a new guest reviewer here at TV with Abe. Drew is a skilled writer who has offered to cover “Bones,” a show which I do not detest nearly as much as he indicates below. I simply have no real interest in the show, but what I have seen of it (pretty much just the pilot) was decently entertaining. And though he takes the blame for not starting to cover the show until now, our initial conversation about him writing for the site only first occurred last week. With that, I present guest blogger Drew, who will be offering his very detailed and specifically-graded take on “Bones” each week.

If there's one thing I know about Abe, it's that he hates "Bones." So it makes sense that he'd want to outsource the hellish task of reviewing the show. Fortunately, he's got me to pick up the slack in the "shows Abe can't stand to watch himself" category. And I'm uniquely qualified in this case: my coexisting love and hatred for "Bones" cancel each other out, making me all kinds of objective. I'm also all kinds of punctuality-challenged, so here are the first three episodes of "Bones," a full three weeks behind schedule.

Bones: Season 6, Episode 1 “The Mastodon in the Room”

Long-time viewers will fast recall the show's heavy-handed sentimentality, which the producers pushed beyond even this most jaded viewer's expectations in last season's finale. That said, the separation of Booth and Bones was pretty effective, but their reunion falls flat. After all, you can't orchestrate a "we're never going to see each other again" tear-jerker and then throw us right back into the mix with a blithe "seven months later" caption. Character-wise, the usual suspects suffer from their old crutches (but after five seasons, who can be surprised?): Cam continues to have a hard time expressing any emotion, and Bones wavers dangerously between an unfeeling robot hilariously oblivious to cultural references and the emotionally aware woman Booth toiled at least three seasons to develop in her. (Her delight at Angela's pregnancy announcement, for example, is frankly jarring.) David Boreanaz seems to have a hard time getting back into his Booth character: his share of the banter lacks its usual liveliness and spontaneity, leaving him to sound scripted. Hodgins and Angela, however, have no problem falling back into character from the first time we see them: Hodgins is as cuttingly funny as ever (and reliably nauseating but endearing when he learns of his imminent fatherhood), and Angela is in top form as the only arguably normal person in a room full of weird scientists. Those who watch the show for the mystery will be disappointed: the plot is lazily constructed and bogged down by leaden moralizing. The mystery's conclusion is flat-out idiotic, with enough holes to make a square mile of Swiss cheese blush. And there's no action to speak of, unless you count Sweets and Daisy. But hey, there's got to be enough room for info-dumps and opportunities for everyone to badger Bones about Booth's new girlfriend. Indeed, “Bones” continues to trip on its inability to properly balance its plot-action half against its characters-comedy half. By trying so hard to highlight both aspects, the show sometimes winds up making neither very compelling.

Plot: 2/10
Characters: 4/10
Comedy: 4/10
Action: 0/10
Bones's Makeup (where 0 is a normal human woman and 10 means they parked a cement truck over her face prior to shooting): 8/10
Overall Grade: D+

Bones: Season 6, Episode 2 “The Couple in the Cave”

Are you still reading this after that withering review? Then you must know already how Bones operates (or you're just enamored of my writing): the series clatters and rattles along in first gear for a while, but it inevitably rewards those viewers who bite the bullet and keep watching. We're already getting hints of that: Episode 2 hits the ground running with the prologue, where a couple make for good comedy exchanging verbal blows in the woods. Booth's back in the zone this time around: he's reattained the nuance of character that's always helped to distract from Bones's eyebrow-raising inconsistency. The oh-so-sudden appearance of Hannah, Booth's new flame, is...well...predictable, but Katheryn Winnick hams up the (albeit undemanding) make-out material role admirably. (Content warning: keep the vomit bag close when these two are on screen.) On the other hand, the most disappointing performance by an auxiliary comes from Dr. Edison, whose departure from his usual stolid professionalism comes off as a contrived cut-and-paste job in the script. You can almost imagine his stage directions and lines in a different font. (Fortunately, his allergies redeem him later.) Hodgins is on fire, from his Hindenberg crack to his first look at Hannah to his first conversation with her. As for the mystery, it's an improvement from last week's but still lackluster. And action? Well, there's a guy with an axe. But "Bones" makes its improvements in one realm at a time, and character development always traditionally comes first. I have to say, though, that I would love it if the script dropped just a few of the hundred Bones/Booth "significant glances" per episode. I mean, when a bit-part witness says, "That's life, right? Things change," with Bones and Booth right there...well, come on. We get the point. Take those five seconds of significant glancing and replace them with five more seconds of Axe-Man.

Plot: 4/10
Action: 1/10
Characters: 8/10
Comedy: 7/10
Bones's Makeup: 5/10
Overall Grade: C+

Bones: Season 6, Episode 3 “The Maggots in the Meathead”

GUIDOS! I'm sorry, but this Jersey boy cannot hope for any objectivity tonight, at least not in the comedy section -- because guidos equal entertainment in every sense of the word. Even the bit parts in this one sparkle; for example, the guido victim's guido mother, who seems to have stepped out of "The Sopranos," strikes an excellent balance between eliciting sympathy and being straight-up guidolarious. (Her only misstep is when she says "down at the shore"...we in the Jerz know it's "down the shore.") The guido beach party is magnificent, the guido club party even better (because there's guido-fighting!). Surprisingly, Bones is in her element in this one; her fascination with guido culture and her ham-fisted (but drolly successful!) attempts to mingle with the boys call to mind the single-minded anthropology enthusiast we know, love, and often long for. Considering the chaff we dealt with in the last two episodes, the mystery is pretty good: it kept me interested even after I thought I had it figured out. (Full disclosure: I guessed wrong.) The team's myriad crime-solving efforts are fresh and compelling, with Hodgins's jumping maggots and Sweets's text message chart deserving special acknowledgment for coolness. And the murderer's closing line, a deft and witty cultural jab, is a real eyebrow-raiser, coming as it does from a show with a history of embarrassing itself whenever it tries to be polemical. As I wrote before, "Bones" is following its old trajectory: utter garbage for one or two episodes followed by a sudden revivification of everything that drew its fans in the first place. You could easily start your sixth season here without regretting the decision.

Plot: 8/10
Action: 5/10
Characters: 9/10
Comedy: 10/10
Bones's Makeup: 4/10
Overall Grade: A-