Pilot Review: Valentine

Valentine (CW)
Premiered October 5 at 8pm

Do not watch this show. I can't stress that enough. There is absolutely nothing remotely rewarding about it. Within minutes, I was confident (and this was reassured throughout the rest of this episode), that this show belongs to a special class of awfulness which also includes the likes of "Cavemen," "Lipstick Jungle," and "One Tree Hill." It's the most ludicrous premise I've ever seen, and attempts to use guns that spit out cupid juice and real-life bows and arrows as desperate homages to cupid myths are embarrassing. Jaime Murray, good for just a bit on "Dexter" last season, is a good fit for the role as the leading love goddess, but she's absolutely ridiculous. Kristoffer Palaha, whose resume includes such misses as "North Shore" and "South Beach," is a waste of space, plain and simple. Much as I'd love to watch Autumn Reeser on a weekly basis, this show is so abysmally dreadful it's completely unbearable. Don't get curious because what I've said and go watch it - I promise it's a terrible idea.

How will it work as a series? This episode felt dreadfully self-contained in its predictability and sappy ending. It's a very week-to-week kind of show in its conception, as far as the rather uninventive notion of helping soulmates find their ways to each other. Will it get old quick? Yes. Dreadfully so.
How long will it last? I can't predict how well the numbers were, but I know that this night of programming isn't quite being run by the CW so there may be different rules at play here. I think it will be gone before the end of the season, and for any casual television viewer's sake, I hope so.

Pilot grade: F-